Do you find yourself lying awake at 3 in the morning wondering why, yet again, you’ve chosen to spend time with a guy you know isn’t “The One”?
There’s nothing majorly wrong with him, he just doesn’t tick all of your boxes, or there’s just something niggling at you, telling you he isn’t your forever love…maybe the chemistry isn’t there, or he “isn’t ready for anything serious right now”, he doesn’t want to meet your friends or family…but you still have a good time while you’re with him and at least you’re not alone, so why not enjoy it while it lasts?
The fact is, while you are investing your time and energy into something (or in this case, someone) that isn’t what your heart truly desires, you will end up feeling unhappy and unfulfilled – and let’s face it – the quote below is pretty on-point – where our focus goes, energy flows – wouldn’t you rather be focusing on (and putting energy into) finding a partner that ticks ALL of your boxes?
You may be thinking “well that’s great – I know he’s not Mr Right, so what next?”
The answer here is simple – if not a little cliched – to find what you truly want in a relationship, you must first find it within yourself.
Here are some simple steps to loving yourself first, before searching for love in your life:
Be Kind To Yourself
We tend to be harsh on ourselves, often because the people who were supposed to love us (as children or as adults) were cruel to us. We hear their non-stop chatter in our minds. You may have hurts, emotional pain, and shortcomings. Learn to accept yourself, faults and all, even if your family and previous partners may have berated you about your inadequacies.
Focus on your many positive qualities. Focus on your strengths, your abilities, and your admirable traits. Let go of harsh judgements, comparisons to others, and self-hatred.
Are you content being alone? You may have to go within and seek comfort in yourself to be happy in your own skin. Practice moments of alone time and be aware of how you treat yourself.
Learn to embrace solitude and notice your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. The process of self-discovery can happen through the process of counselling or coaching, or through reading self-help books. This healing process can help you discover who you are and what your obstacles to loving yourself are. Alternatively, periods of introspection, meditation and journalling may help you be more aware of who you are. The process of loving yourself starts with understanding yourself beneath the mask.
When is the last time that you thanked yourself? You will immediately start loving yourself more when you realise all the things you have in your life to be grateful for. Make a list each day about all the things you have within you that you may have never acknowledged / thanked before now. Be grateful for your amazing body that breathes on its own, your heart that continues to beat every single day without having to consciously think about it, your astonishing mind that is more powerful and intuitive than any computer we know. Then extend that list to all of the things you have around you to be grateful for – technology to stay connected, clothes to keep you warm, food to nourish your body – when you start increasing your awareness around all of the things you have in your life to be grateful for, the feeling of lack or needing someone to fill the void becomes less and the feeling of love and appreciation for who you are, right now, in this moment, alone expands.
Give To Others
This may seem like an odd step when you are aiming to increase your self-love, but the benefits of giving, without expecting anything in return, are endless, and include love and fulfilment for yourself. Through giving to another person, your needs get taken care of in the process. When you’re being kind, considerate, compassionate, and giving of yourself, your soul will rejoice. You’ve reached the highest level of self-love in the state of serving others.
Find ways to do small and large tasks to assist those living in your house, neighbourhood, or community. Practice conscious acts of kindness and giving.
Be What You Want In a Partner
If you have a list of things you would want in a person you love, be those things yourself. For example, if you want someone who is nurturing, or attentive, or honest – give yourself the gift of those qualities right now. Why wait for someone else to give them to you?
Through following these steps you’ll soon realise you don’t need someone else to feel complete any longer. You already are whole and complete. You can let Mr Right-Now go.
Meeting Mr Right will only make you shine brighter and bring more love in your life.